No one was more surprised than I was when I became a Christian in 2022. A series of events volunteering for a charitable organization in Compton, CA led me to a Southern Baptist church. I was taken by the preaching of a young pastor who had been newly instated into the position of leadership, and soon enough found myself being baptized. What drew me to the predominately Black Southern Baptist church was a combination of the warmth I felt with the congregants, the music and the modern day application of the Bible. I am not telling you this because I have any intention to proselytize in this post or make you think about your religious positioning in the world. What I want to speak on is our choice to pray and how we overlook it as a free commodity available to us.
What does it mean to you to pray? Outside a religious construct, even if you are an atheist, what does that mean to ask for a power outside yourself to help you? Do you think you can do it all on your own, or shit just happens to you and oh well… (yes, I am a swearing Christian which would be at the dismay of some of my church elders…) To pray for me means to pull away from the distractions that may be enabling me, or crutches so I don’t have to feel into my body and my intuition. This is “passion week” in the Christian faith. Someone needed to text me what that meant. I didn’t even know it was Palm Sunday yesterday. “What is this?” I asked as my Sister Michelle pinned two palm stalks to my sweater as I entered church. Now I now that this is the last week Jesus was in ministry before all the carnage ensued. Easter Sunday he rises and all I know is I have to go to church at 6 AM which is more associated to hell than heaven as far as I am concerned. I pray I can wake up.
So this week it was suggested we as a congregation fast from any distractions to hear the word of God clearer so I am going to not check dating apps, which is going to be challenging but I am going to do it. I also am going to abstain from any kind of envy of other people’s lives. I would like to say I have a pure heart but then I wouldn’t be human. Overall I am pleased with my body, mind and position in life professionally and financially, but every once in a while I find myself in fantasy land over a life I don’t have prompted by watching the life of another on social media which could be just a bunch of smoke and mirrors anyway.
What gets in the way of you connecting deeply to yourself, and why do you use that crutch? What are you afraid of discovering about yourself? I can imagine getting this in your in box on Monday end of day you are like, fuck Kim, couldn’t you have written about something lighter like fostering puppies for the greater good of humanity? Well, pray about why you feel that way, and see how different your Tuesday can be.
The Week in Summary
My week looks like a series of maroon, blue and brown squares on a Google calendar. I am led by my calendar, but aside from responsibilities to clients or my kids, a lot of the time dictates are of my own. I give myself liberty to decide if I do or don’t want to take action on a particular colored square on any given day. What works with this method is that I can move the squares around versus not having squares at all which made me forget half the stuff I was supposed to do. So while the calendar can feel sometimes like the boss of me, it is in fact working for me and allowing me to lean into where I actually want to spend my time. I used to think my calendar was daunting and too rigid but when I realize it is there for me not against me, I feel liberated and organized.
My podcast You Should Write A Book About That is now hosted on Substack! I am super excited to bring the podcast library of over 85 episodes to this audience as eventually I will offer exclusive member content with longer conversations with authors and also my own viewpoints and teachings on writing. So if you never listened to the podcast, catch up… there are some dope lessons and leaders as my guests!
What It Means To Pray...