We are under the illusion worry is an action verb. The only action around worry is reaction, and it usually shows its best face at 2:30 AM in the disguise of well-intended emails, or in my case, clicking on 0% APR offers on my credit card for the first time in eight years. Are we in an economic downturn, yes. People are contemplating buying chickens to not pay for eggs. Are gas prices through the roof? Of course, but worrying doesn’t change any of the details of the current reality. It just makes us lurch for solutions that are not divinely led. We constrict, compress, and squeeze ourselves into a new suit of survival to get through like it’s the zombie apocalypse but we are only equipped with a well-worn toothbrush and some string.
Stop worrying. It creates body aches, head aches, break ups, poor business decisions and a higher consumption of sugar and salt. Okay, maybe that’s just me but I doubt I am alone here. Worrying leads to anxiety attacks, panic attacks and heart attacks. If I could re-wire my brain, here is how I would re-frame worry: I am responsibly and effectively exploring options should there be a necessity to execute them. Period. Worry needs to climb into the snack-decimated car seat, strap in and shut up. I am in the driver’s seat. We need to make worry a smart executive function. Like a cerebral cortex post-it of sorts. Just like anger can inform us where we are not asking for our needs to be met, worry can show us where we may want to make some smart business inquires, or personal explorations, but then take action in a time of resolute peace.
Emailing your bank rep about an SBA loan for your business is not worry but smart if you do it at 10 AM or make an appointment. If it is done at 2:30 AM on your phone in bed, I would say, worry. Stalking anyone you think is avoiding you or doesn’t love you enough is fueled by worry gone bad. Asking questions in a vulnerable way… honest and looking out for your best interests is the executive function way. Yelling at your kids for not wiping down the bathroom sink is usually incited by some kind of worry. Will they grow up to be slobs and no one will love them? Which is really masking the true worry which is, what happens if we don’t have a sink next week and are homeless?
Here is the magna cum laude of examples of the worry spiral. People will worry and worry about whether their computer will fry and they will lose all their files, setting off a complete dismantling of their entire existence. Ironically, the hard drive is either in their desk drawer, or they pass Best Buy week after week thinking, I should go in and get that back up drive. Then when the computer fries (because computers do), there is a protest of the inevitable fallacy that all files are lost, and now you are in an all day line at the Apple store thinking how you will tell the rep you are in this situation because you worried instead of acted. Back up the hard drive. Sleep instead of emailing. Lead with your heart. Put worry in the trash for a week and see how you feel. For those of you fueled by it, nakedness emotionally will ensue. But after time, it will pass and one day these words will come out of your mouth:
“Everything always works out.”
If You Are Looking to do some writing:
The reason why we will always have readers of our books if we are deep, open and honest is people have a terrible time getting real about their feelings and look to writers as their guides. A fellow writer to me, “I don’t want to write like Glennon Doyle. Her style doesn’t have a message. I want my mess to have a message.” When you are writing, it’s good to know who you don’t want to be, as much as knowing who you admire. We don’t have to write like anyone else, even if we love or hate another authors writing. Just because millions of people have signed up to like a best-selling author, that doesn’t mean you have to as well.
There are many best-selling books I have not read in the self-help space because I just got tired of hearing about them. I want to find the gem in the rough. I crave the experience of making a literary discovery no one else had made. I had that high when I worked in the movies because 99% of screenwriters were nobodies until a film made them a somebody. So you could get a script on your desk and read it and be taken to the moon in your mind. Unfortunately 22 other more powerful people than you thought so too, therefore I rarely got those scripts to produce. With books, you can find those gems because they are published, done and have the sole purpose of your consumption.
There are some phenomenal books I have read that have sold a modest amount of copies and they have changed my life as a writer. These books are often recommended by avid readers. If you want to become a better writer, read what these avid readers are recommending. These books will make you dream of being someone who can create magic on the page.
What I wish someone would create:
High heels that are warm, cozy and don’t make you lose feeling in all your toes for hours in the winter time. I saw a pair once but there was a lot of fake fur involved. I want my heels to look like heels but inside there is this little heating system like the warming pads you rip open and vigorously shake to put in your mittens. Like the down jacket of high heels.
Technology Tip:
My daughters and I heard this on the radio and I want someone to give it a try. Apparently if you are at a supermarket where you don’t have a frequent shopper card, you can enter the zip code of the market, and then 8675309. Yes, the Tommy Tutone song lyric. According to this caller on the show Cheapo, it works for him every time.
Shameless Plug:
A recent guest on my podcast You Should Write A Book About That Rebecca Whitman is hosting a free New Year New You session this Sunday 1/22/23 and I am super excited to attend. It is from 12-1:30 PM PST on Zoom and free.
https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZUpc-2pqjkjEtB_iOn6jRVWMGXUd36dHW84