Have you ever wanted something so bad you crowd it to the point that it can’t even sustain so it goes away? Then you sit there in a gooey puddle of tears and anger wondering what the hell happened to that which you gave so much of your time and passion to? But I wanted it so bad, you yell to the heavens! Why? Why? Turn and look in the mirror at your scrunched up face, the tears cascading down and unclench your fist. Go have a cool drink of water. Exhale slowly and deeply and stop looking up to God in the sky as the bad guy.
Sorry but you brought this on yourself. Someone needs to give it to you straight and it can be me because I am one of you. I am a clutcher, a grasper and a potential diffuser all in the name of wanting that damn outcome. We get so focused on how good it all feels, we want to know it will last forever so we literally squeeze all possible potential, life, miracle and grace out of its very being.
Or should I say… you squeezed the fuck out of it so that it literally had no room to breathe.
Instead try this… I am so freaking grateful for this amazingness in my life and I only hope for the best for everyone involved and if I am so blessed please have it continue to sustain and for me to show up in the most open of ways to receive as long as it sees fit to continue. Thank you.
This mantra is so positive you’d think I wrote it while in a light rainfall hugging a tree with soft rock playing in the background… but because in my past I have been that person who thinks my determination matched with my dream means to drive a Mac truck right into the wall, I can tell you the happy mantra is the only way out from controlling outcomes. I don’t want to smother anything anymore with hope (masked by the terror of being wrong) and kill the chance of a natural evolution. If you too are a recovering “clutch-a-holic,” I raise you one lavender eye pillow because we know you can’t Om or breathe or cold plunge away “the clutch.” You have to make a willing decision to let go of what you think the outcome of a situation will be, when and how… all while still holding on to your values, intentions and dreams. I understand this sounds almost impossible like a self-help vomit of bad oysters, but once you find that sweet spot of confidence you will be happily letting go of how each and every moment of the experience delivers gifts upon gifts.
Here is the problem with releasing the grasp on that which we have dreamed to have for so long - we fear it will disappear forever and I can tell you if it does, that right there is God’s mercy doing you a big favor. Saving you the purchase of more tissues than you need, cookies you don’t want to eat and phone calls to friends who won’t be able to unhear the blubbering misery you are incoherently delivering on the phone line.
Nothing that is supposed to be will go away unless its chapter in your life is over and I think that equally plays out in pain and happiness. Some people are with us for a long time, and go away and then new people come and will be with us for a long time. I am acutely aware at 53 of new people coming into my life and accessing if they will be my next 30+ year friendships. Who will be the people that support the next career and what kind of family will evolve from what often, for a long time, felt like a void in space. But when we grasp, we squeeze from the process the most beautiful tangible parts that have the capacity to linger before we try and figure them out… before we feel safe.
I want to sit in the understanding that as I live my life in my choices, those who love me around me sit in the complete safety and understanding that this doesn’t have to take away from their experiences. Missing someone, wanting something, pushing for an answer, demanding an outcome all leads to a lot of pissed off people who do the opposite to what your heart desires, all because you couldn’t take a moment to sit in the backseat and be driven for a little while.
I am in Barcelona when this gets delivered. I was on my way to a retreat in France and I decided to add on two days before to acclimate. I booked a classy hotel and bought a ticket to a music festival. I am beyond stoked but as I write this almost terrified of what this trip means. I am leaving my kids longer than I have before, I will be absent in a newly formed love, and I won’t be working in my coaching business. But what I will be doing is becoming more of who I am most authentically to the people I love. I won’t be grasping at anything but hopefully a hot baguette and some new shoes. And when I return, I will be more in alignment with that un-clenched person. My mission in this trip is to grasp at nothing but trust and the concept of being enough.
On another note, I was published this week in The Pro-Age Woman June Issue on Claiming Your Author Seat. Choosing to take on writing a book in midlife is a personal power play and an investment in self that will pay dividends. I am working on my second book, and if you are looking to write your first book, check out this issue Pro-Age Woman