I started smoking pot when I was in 8th grade. While the frequency was reserved for when my public school friend’s older parents went away and her older sister didn’t give a shit, my intake increased in the later years of high school. I was huge pot head in my twenties and didn’t intake my last weed until almost forty in the form of an edible that almost made me psychotic. I did not understand the label 10x meant ten times. I ate the whole cookie and didn’t leave my apartment for two days. So that means from thirteen to forty I was stoned a majority of the time. That is 27 years. I have been off pot for 13. So when I am 67 I will be stoned less than I was stoned.
I have lived in Los Angeles and the West Coast since 1998. That is 25 years. I left the East Coast when I was 25 so I am literally on the verge of being officially a West Coaster longer than an East Coaster.
I have been single a total of four years since I was sixteen. Do the math and all the rest of the time I was married and in relationships.
What is the purpose of me telling you these time logistics? We get to see what we like through what we do. I didn’t like smoking pot anymore so I stopped and I strove for a clean lifestyle. I didn’t like the cold in the East Coast so I migrated West. I like being in relationships so I spent a majority of my life in them and will continue to seek my person. What about other less obvious patterns that don’t serve us, that we don’t try and change? How do they hold us back in the overall scheme of life? When do we get to say we don’t do self-defeating behaviors anymore and haven’t longer than when we did? I still bite my cuticles when I am anxious and I still consume white sugar when I want comfort and safety. I haven’t been able to leave these two habits behind me. But I always write notes on post its so I won’t forget (although I routinely leave the shopping list post it at home), and always put SPF 50 on my hands when I am driving. These are good practices that make me feel less like I am coming apart at the seams.
There are habits and then there are practices. There are addictions and then there are preferences. Without self-judgement, it’s important to get clear what your actions are. Lately I have been allowing myself to stop work at 3 PM if I am tired and climb under a blanket and read the stack of books that are by my bed side table. I feel in a cocoon of happiness and when I work again, I appreciate that I gave myself that time. Why am I able to do this? Because of a recent meme on Instagram that simply said, “When did it get not okay to just be okay?” While I have seen memes of this ilk before, this one really hit me. Just be. Not develop, not change, not spiritually evolve… just be. A human being in the moment just allowing.
Recently an actress who moved from Los Angeles to NYC to get away from the glare of being part of a famous couple said LA made her anxious. That everyone was anxious. Maybe that is true, but I also believe if you are constantly doubting whether you are evolved enough, you could feel anxious in the Piggly Wiggly in North Carolina. Being enough is a state of mind. Do you want to broil potatoes at 4 PM because you feel like a happy homebody? Do it. Do you want to sit in your car and stare at the wonder of wild flowers growing beyond the parking lot. Why not? Take the time to be and breathe so when it comes time to be intentional with your choices and preferences, you can see you for who you are. For a week, just be. Don’t try and change anything about yourself, or evaluate. If you want to do the exercise I did and see what you have done longer or lesser than another time in your life, have at it. It’s fun.
But in the meanwhile, put down the affirmation cards, the exercise strap and resist enrolling in a Breathwork class. Just be.
Why I Think Sunday Is An Awesome Day:
Usually Sunday is my only day off. I work on Saturdays not because someone tells me to, but because I want to. Sunday I get to explore what doing nothing much of anything means, and moving slowly. This Sunday, presumably as this column lands on your desk top or mobile device, I have agreed to go to the flea market with my daughters. What this means is for about two hours prior to leaving, I will say three or four times, feigning a non-irritated tone, “Are we ready?” (because when you make it a “we” you are saying I am one with you teen people, don’t outnumber me.) Then we will arrive and after parking on the wrong side from the actual entrance, we will have fun for about an hour before I realize the bathrooms are far away (back where we parked) and so I will stop drinking water and feel parched preemptively. I hate spending money on chachkies and my daughters won’t bring any money of their own (“That’s for like our stuff, mom”) so I will spend about $50 more than I hoped to which is delusional because it’s a flea market in the modern world of inflation. Nothing is $2 anymore than you would want to touch with your bare hands. But because I love to be in the nothingness space of a day off, I will enjoy the experience despite myself, eat a soggy tamale and come home with a statue of a peacock in full flight.
I also go to church on many Sundays which is a new event for me since last year when I got baptized, not an event I saw coming at all. What I like about church is it gives me purpose till at least 11 AM and doesn’t leave me with too much idle time which can lead to working or texting the lady who does Botox after I looked at myself in the mirror for too long in harsh midday light.
Why do you think Sunday is a wonderful day? I would love to know! Drop a comment! And don’t say football. That’s not allowed. Neither is smoking which I hope you don’t do on Sunday at all… ever.
Sundays should be a day of reflection whether you are religious or not. Reflect on what happened during the preceding 7 days (and learn from them if needed) and project forward onto the next 7 based on what needs to be accomplished short-term and long-term. Personal "quiet time" is always valued and helpful to focus on the "big picture" while keeping track of all the components therein that matter. Time to regroup if needed before choosing a direction to embark on if change is coming.