So I have a very big heart, and I feel very deeply. Sometimes, I question my feelings. How can they be so big? Is it possible to feel this much? This questioning of the most beautiful parts of my humanity comes from a couple places such as being conditioned by parental units or authority figures to be quiet and reserved as a child, as well as having processing channels crossed in abuse. I am learning to express those feelings, even if the stakes feel high, or they manifest into tears. The best gift is when the recipient of those expressed sentiments says “Me too.”
If any of you have fallen hard for someone, gotten a crush, or for those lucky ones, fallen in love, then you know what it feels like to have a desire that embodies you completely. You bump into walls, and forget where you are going, and life seems to be on one axis but the feelings for this person rotates on another axis. While I like this excitement as it indicates there is a special bond that has been tapped and potential for a powerful union, I also need to have an ebb and flow where I enjoy the feelings in a middle space. Love is a marathon not a sprint, and in order to explode in a delirium of appreciation for your person, you need to strike a balance. Especially at the start of a relationship, you want to hit that person with a continual flood of emojis and quips about your every move (“Just ate the best crackers!” “Feeling sleepy in the sun” “Disliking the neighbors having a party right now” which can turn into epic paragraphs about your insecurities about why you feel so fucking out of your body and mind right now.) Therefore, to save you from railroading your potential soul mate, the following list of tasks can suck all the desire to be hot for anyone out of your body for at least a couple hours, and keep you chilled the fuck out:
Change your address on your driver’s license or the DMV on line. This involves multiple trips to your car. One, to have the intent to take a picture of the relevant information which you believe is housed on your insurance card, only to get all the way back in your house to discover you need the information on your registration. Then have the on line system tell you they can’t find your car and you need to print the form and eventually go to the DMV which completely depresses you and you question why you are so honest with the system in the first place. Meanwhile, all desire to over-express yourself to your new love will go right into the toilet. Relationship saved!
Go to Home Depot for anything but particularly an item that will have way too many versions and hertz or amps. You will spend a heap of time thinking if you just stare down the item long enough you will have a revelation, but all you are really trying to do is not continually text the person you wish you were in a bear sized Snuggie with… naked.
Teach a child or a teenager how to do anything. You will feel so empowered by your great adult skills that you will replace the fresh young romantic feelings with an air of superiority. For a minute you will forget you are soggy with feelings from the night before, and show that young little person how it’s done when one adequately serves a tennis ball.
Nap. Sleep. Nap. Sleep. We all are in massive sleep deficits so why not. Although when you dream about the person, and it is erotic, that makes it even harder to not think of them, OR text them when you wake up something that makes you look like a raging slut by the third date.
Organize the refrigerator or dry food shelf. Combining brown sugar bags is a harder task than you would imagine, and makes a complete mess (and don’t tell me you never bought brown sugar twice convinced you had none, and got home and realized you had way more brown sugar than you could ever use but zero eggs.) By the time you are done cleaning the sugar that became like ribbon candy with the water, you are ready for option #3.
Try a hip hop routine on You Tube that makes you feel like you are back banging in the club like a fly girl or club kid. You will be so impressed with yourself, you will think for a good ten minutes you are so cool, you don’t need anyone.
There are so many more distraction tips like deep cleaning tub grote or manic overworking but what doesn’t work is eating or watching television… because you really want to be doing that with your person.
We are taught to be cautious about how we feel, and do romance right. We should have this many dates before X, and we will be disrespected if we are too honest about Y. I think its bunk. I think that if you find your person, nothing can break it. You may freak each other out here and there, but fuck, just keep talking and should you get insecure at various junctures of the relationship’s progression, just go stock up on thank you cards or make a vet appointment. Banality always kills the impulse to say too much too soon for little while.