I think I am in charge of my decisions. I can’t help but laugh as I even hear those words come out of my mouth. Our decision making process as humans is such an illusion. We think it comes from a place of agency, but I can tell you from experience in the last year, my decisions all come from a trust in my gut and an intuitive knowing. Living that way does not mean I think food will appear on my doorstep to eat (I have to decide to go to the supermarket) or that my partner will feel loved if I just think it (I have to tell him and show love). I am referencing what will occur from living in the trust of one’s self and the soul. The best decisions are the ones that change your body and your mind for the better, unbeknownst to you until the moment before.
With zero forethought or desire, I knew I wanted to be a vegetarian one night while eating a very gamey pork hock in a nice restaurant. I told my boyfriend then and there I was done with all meat and fish. After trying to fix a chronic hip ailment for three years, and spending thousands on x rays and sports medicine, I had given up. I had accepted that when I exercised, I would be floored the next day by the screaming pain in my hip. I cleared my mind of my obvious human will solutions, and instead accepted I simply didn’t know.
Since I stopped eating meat, I have no longer had any chronic hip pain. It doesn’t wake me up when I sleep, it doesn’t hurt much more than being strained when I run more than 3 miles, and it didn’t do much but get tight after a 8 mile strenuous hike. My body, mind and spirit knew I was needing to get stronger and ready for other areas of my life where I would be called to show up, so they interceded as a collective force within and told me what to do.
Here is the most important piece - without hesitation, I listened.
What also added to the healing, was I stopped commuting. That situation had been a long year, and I knew I needed to heal my hip with less of that brake/gas situation navigating gnarly LA streets to get my kids to school. I waited until the day I heard the voice that said, “Buy now.” I found my condo for an affordable price that week.
To trust amid all the minutia in any given day that an inner voice will surprise and shock us can be looked at in two ways: too scary to bring into your life, or incredibly wild and something to look forward to every day. What will my body, mind and soul speak to me today?
I have been on this journey to understand and connect with my soul for the past seven years. I walked a labyrinth last week, and this experience solidified the path I have been on to this soul listening. The magical place, The Peace and Awareness Labyrinth and Gardens has been on my list for ten years. The timing to go now was perfect as it just came to me as the time. That simple. The bookmark was clicked and the date planned. I have walked a few small labyrinths, but this one mirrors the famous labyrinth in Chartres, France. The day was blissful and blustery as I stood at the starting stone which had a Sanskrit symbol meaning “God.” As I walked the winding path, they ask you to think about a question you want answered, or to open yourself up to simply hear. I asked about success, and how to bring success in all areas of my life in on a bigger more profound level. The trees kicked up in their swaying wooded symphony and scattered dropped leaves around the path as I walked.
Years before, at the start of my book coaching career, I met a client who had written in her book about the spiritual teacher John-Roger (the founder of MISA - Movement of Spiritual Awareness.) She was working with him on and off in life, and when she was having a breakdown of the soul. She wrote about this elusive and profound character in her book, and a lot of what he taught seemed to me at the time as way out there. In the 8 years since, I have found so much of the soul journey to be our ultimate journey, and so when I found out here was where his center was, in the building by the labyrinth, I had to laugh. Life is funny how it twists and turns us, to show us the way home, no matter how many times we wander to where we think we are supposed to be.
I couldn't imagine I would be someone deeply interested in soul work, or trusting to let life’s daily poking and prodding pass through me so I could hear the deeper messages. I want to analyze and question most of my thoughts to make sure I have safety. I know that safety is in my deepest core, and not in how I safeguard myself against what another person may do that upsets, surprise or disappoints me. We are not here as well to cut ourselves off from others and live in a bubble to only hear our soul. Our soul is designed to serve and grow others as well, so our work in our understanding of self is to also emote.
I continue to be excited to process what I heard in the labyrinth. I heard the word “Magnificent” many times on the way back. I saw the magic and brilliance in all that I would encounter and uncover in the second half of my life. If you are in a time in your life where you want to go deeper, or have more questions, seek the soul within. Walk a labyrinth. Let go of the answers.
You will discover a soul awaits a calling within you.