Lately I started noticing when women used the term “guys” to refer to the group of all of us, mainly women. I had known I did it, and would sometimes apologize for it, especially in our present climate.
“I know you all are not guys but it’s just engrained in my speech,” I would explain to a group of women working with me in a writing group. They would understand but I was always left wanting for a replacement word. “Hey you all” sounds forced and “You Ladies” sounds like we are learning how to use a bread mixer for the first time. I also practiced dropping any kind of identification at all, which is ultimately the goal because when we write, we try and get rid of fluff words all the time and get to the heart of what we mean. I was interested in trying this when addressing people. I found that incorporating this into my speech, I had to slow down. I had to think about what I had to say, and break the conformity of what I grew up saying.
When I worked on movie sets, and I was often the only woman in charge as the producer or line producer, I would say “Guys, what’s happening here?” Or as some of my friends in my age group who are also in positions of authority in entertainment over lots of men say “Who do I have to blow to get this done?” (just seeing if you read this far…) I know, gross, but kind of encapsulating the essence of who we were trained to be heard around a dominantly male environment. While I don’t say anything close to that to my male or female writers, I am playing with this convention of not having any kind of address and instead of starting informative teaching sentences with “Now guys…” I can just say, “Here are you instructions…” and play with what evolves phonetically from that point forward.
I asked my thirteen year old what she thought about the term guys… you know the young people are very gender-sensitive and she seemed unconcerned. So I am wondering if this is really an issue or I can just keep “Hey you guys”-ing away like that show Zoom (or was it Electric Company?)
What do you find yourself saying in your language addressing others that feels archaic and may need a refresh to who you are today?
If you are looking to do some writing:
I heard about this site called September Letters where people write letters about their emotions. I think if you are in that chasm between wanting to write a book and still journaling, visibility of your voice is key. Write a letter. And the best part is one of the founders Stacey Lindsay is going to be on my podcast. You want to check out her amazing journalism on Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper.
What I wish someone would create:
The iced “hot tea” latte. Not an iced tea latte or a chai tea latte. An actual latte that is tea from a tea bag, that is chilled and then put over ice with oat milk. At 52 years old, I like to have what I want, which can make my teen daughters uncomfortable because they feel I am being entitled when I go into a coffee shop and say “Now look, (or hey guys), this is what I want…” And I have to explain they need to make a hot tea, put it in the freezer for a while (because the ice would melt immediately) and then when it’s cool, put it on ice with oat milk. I only request this when I know I will be at the coffee shop for a while. But why can’t someone just make a hot tea box of cold tea? My current coffee shop Tanners has made a lovely London Fog Lavender Latte which is tea but its hot.
What do you ask for very specifically to have what you want that makes you happy? Or where do you not ask because you worry you will be a pain in the butt?
Technology Tip:
Are you coming out of Covid realizing your business cards are now out of date (I went blond for example), and you have lost the heart to give them out? Many of us have changed how we want to network, but we are finding ourselves at events going, how the heck am I going to remember to call this person if I don’t have their card? Sure, we can follow each other on Instagram but for me, that becomes a dark hole that I tend to forget to go into for follow ups. Also, connecting with someone on Linked In can also be lost if you forget or wait too long and then you can’t find that person in a sea of 2,000 contacts. And you can’t pendulum swing too far to the idea of “the Universe will remind me to call who I need to know.” Yes, that is all well and good for the belief in divine timing, but business does run on follow-up.
So now we have the QR code business card which I saw several people do last week, and I have been researching the best options, which means I will grab the first one that becomes easiest and cheapest from my car ten minutes before I walk into a networking meeting. I found this one so far that looks reasonable.
And please people, if you have a business card with a picture of you from 1980 and you just don’t look like that anymore, update it. Shine in your aging glory!
And I apologize for the ill-fitting banner on the newsletter. Or the lack thereof of any graphics or fun bedazzle around the copy. I intend to hire someone to spruce, but I would rather get out the good word on Sunday to those of you who were wondrous enough to sign up! This newsletter will soon be Sunday morning… I promise.