When I was in Barcelona with my daughters in 2017, we walked by a high end dress boutique. When I voiced that I would love to know what one of the dresses would look like on me, I thought, who is telling me I can't know? I went in, and despite the skeptical eye of the attendant, tried on a $5,000 dress. I would be lying if I said it didn’t look amazing on me. How can you not feel like a million dollars in red sequins and a side slit? I try and retain that image of me from time to time, feeling so fabulous all dressed up when on a Monday I have no desire at all to wear anything but the same hoodie I bought two weekends ago on our tour of UCSD and have worn 16 times since. I just don’t want to be dressed up.
Yet on Friday night when I went to a concert with a date, and I wore a skirt and a bustier, I felt like I was on top of the world. Unstoppable. In the UCSD sweatshirt and slightly stretched out work out pants? Not so much. But in the dressier clothes, I feel like I could buy LA. Why is this? I want to surmount this materialistic alignment of self with clothes, or makeup or hair. I want to be beautiful and brilliant in shoddy clothes, and unwashed hair. I know that there are certain Zoom calls I have to show up to looking at least bathed with lipstick because the recipient signs up for that kind of show of effort. But what if my mind is making all the effort, and I am brilliant whether I am in silk blouse or not? Yes, this is true, but when I show up dressed and made up, I just feel more on fire. I want the fire to be there whether I am impressive on the outside or not.
I don’t want to showboat my attractiveness or my ability to color coordinate. I want to marinate in the truth of my mood which is slightly sour, with an undercurrent of annoyance and an overall desire to go to bed till Tuesday. And don’t label me as depressed because that minimizes my argument which is that we get to show up how we feel that day not how people want us to look like we feel because we are getting paid to motivate them to do better. Ugh. I am thinking the key is I buy a wider variety of sweatshirts or a very stylish track suit, but now I am back to the state of conforming.
Someone I know told me he gets up at 8:55 and is on his work zoom by 9 in his boxers. They never know because he is in a nice top. I would be the first person to have something bite me or a fire to break out and I would be caught in my underwear. I am not that bold, but I know people do it and I think its funny that they think they have to wear something appropriate on the top if they are being appropriate to their own comfort level on the bottom? If this person is doing a stand up job for the company, why can’t he be in his bathrobe? Who cares?
I love fashion as much as the next person but I want to revel in it when I am invited to an English tea party in Cornwall or Fashion Week in Paris. To go to coffee with a friend a mile from my house? Dress up, why? Because I could meet a prospective client or life partner? I don’t know… I have signed people in spandex before at a poker game. So if it’s aligned, no one should really give a rat’s ass about what anyone is wearing. Sometimes when I get dressed up for a dinner, and I find myself in a fancy bathroom, I’ll take a picture so I look like one of those Vogue shoots where the models are in the bathroom. Again, feeling better about all the effort to put on leather pants and earrings when I wanted to come to the dinner in a onesie.
This whole column piece is really a way to make me feel better about doing my last meeting in a hoodie when she looked showered with a nice backdrop. I, on the other hand, had some laundry (folded at least) peeking out in the corner of the square. But I was smart and real and eloquent (and modest) so I don’t think she will ever remember I was in a hoodie and if she does then nothing that came out of my mouth mattered. Steve Jobs wore lame clothes, as so did Mark Zuckerberg. No one cares. But women are supposed to look good to be brilliant and I am kind of done with that model.
Like I said, if you want to let me test drive a Rolls Royce in Southern France, I will dress up, but don’t expect me to look like anything special if we are getting chai tea at 2pm on a Tuesday. As it is, I have to drive in a car that is a forever ground up Cheez It and I inevitably have some kind of white cat hair on me even though I avoid him like the plague. My point is, it takes work to look nice, and my brain right now needs to work on being a good writer. Not a fashion plate.
I think that we can all agree that self-esteem and "opening appearance" (a term used in my previous industry) go hand in hand. When we look fresh and lively, we feel better about ourselves and our capabilities. When disheveled and sporting a 3-day tired look, are we really at our best performance level when looking in the mirror? Not likely. Confidence comes from how we feel about ourselves and the energy we exude and absorb in the process of working and doing. Are we really more efficient when dressed in a designer suit vs. sweats when doing the exact same work? That depends on your audience, the impression that you want to make, and the perceived value of the end result. If you can produce a masterpiece sitting at home in musty sweats and disheveled, more power to you! :)