It’s a phenomenal idea to buy property. Equitable, granted you don’t buy on a landslide or sinkhole. Buying a house felt on point for me in June of 2020 in the midst of the global pandemic, when the kids were glued to lap tops in their pajamas and all activities were on Zoom. The responsibilities were light so buying a house and leaving a small apartment felt modestly taxing. We packed, we moved, and we isolated for almost another year.
Then I decided to buy a condo this month and rent out my house. I was ready to be a two property owner in my mind, but I had no idea it would be the hardest undertaking in my life. Not that it’s rocket science to own two homes, but the amount of tasks one must do in a small amount of time to buy one property and prepare the current property for a renter is mind numbing. Just the call to the USAA insurance company was enough to make me want to rip off my face.
I finally hit the wall a few days before the movers were due. I attribute the sobbing to a prior day of packing endless chachkies from my girls’ rooms. I suddenly hated all stuff and wanted to live in a hut on the beach with nothing but my laptop and a sarong. I felt alone and sabotaging voices rallied around me. You are moving alone again. I battled the obnoxious banter with the reckless discarding of objects into the trash, trying not to pause and reflect on how tossing Candyland truly meant it was the end of my kids’ childhood. As I filled the trash with broken hangers, and shoe organizers that never really saved space, and art projects, and stickers and that pewter pie pan I never used, I made a promise I wouldn’t look back. New beginnings. Less stuff, and I made a resolute promise to myself that everything that came into the door new where I was going would mean something to me. Every candle that flickered would be a purposeful choice. Every item of furniture or painting would be spark of joy. You don’t have time to wax nostalgic over the semi-flammable pink bear won at the honky tonk carnival, and you surely don’t want it coming with you.
While buried in the endless Docu Sign of escrow and packing and tossing of odd items like the coffee enema, I engaged with families who would soon be packing to do their move, possibly into my home. We had a shared pain point: I had a home, they needed a home, and I needed them to want my home so I could move to my next home. Each family that looked around and asked if they could fill out an application exchanged energies with me. We are all looking to take our stuff, our memories, our relationships, and go on the next journey. When I found the right family, I just knew. It was easy. I had found my people and now they would replace my stuff with their stuff.
The truth about moving is it can force you to go deep into the darker crevices of your life. The question is, are you up for it? If you are…remember. It does eventually end. It doesn’t feel like it when you have one more car load of that last minute shit, but one day it does. Breathe.
If You Are Looking to do some writing:
We have to be bravehearted as writers. We can’t give up. Rejections aren’t personal and you have to be willing to pivot. I studied The NY Times column Modern Love with great reverence in my efforts to submit an essay. I also read their guidelines with great scrutiny, as well as the amazing list of 39 submission tips which I found to, in actuality, be excellent guideposts for essay writing in general. I love submission tip #6 in particular “Remember why people read stories.” After I submitted the essay (because as writers we should always be publishing…), a month or so later I received a nice note from the editor saying he enjoyed the piece, but it wasn’t right for them at this time. I didn’t feel let down as writing it was enough for me. Until a friend said, “Why don’t you send it to the LA Times version of Modern Love, LA Affairs.” I didn’t waste aa beat and did my submission. Two weeks later, the essay called “wonderful by the Deputy Editor” will be making its debut. Look out for it 2/5!
What I wish someone would create:
A cocoon for humans. We go in, crystalize, and come out new and grown. With all we are facing as we emerge from Covid - like real life back in swing - bath bombs and 20 minute naps are not cutting the mustard for the chronic fatigue so many people are feeling. I was going to say a human cave to hibernate but my older teen informed me the other night that bears don’t really hibernate all winter. Is there anything I learned as a child that’s true???
Technology Tip:
I just had the longest most annoying experience getting internet service in my new place. The technician came and set up all the wires, and seemingly set up a user ID and password. When he left, two hours later the connected broadband waves conked out. Kaput. In morning when I called, the AT&T representative (collective groan) suggested since my user ID wasn’t working, that I use an email address. So I gave them one. They also sent out a new technician. He got the Internet going again but I said I was worried that the service would go out again after he left because the registration wasn’t going through with my new user ID. We delved deeper into the issue only to find the culprit was a wrongly translated email address by the phone representative. I found it shocking that I spent four hours worrying about my service, when it was spelling error.
So my tip is… no longer spelling out slowly with great enunciation your email address for service providers. They should send you a text and you text them back the spelling. It should be simple and fast and easily translated. How much time we would have back, and far less vitriol for the people who pick up at customer service.
Shameless Plug:
I have to admit, February is a big month for me. I have been in the planning and arranging stages for a few months now on a few events and launches. I will share more about them as the month progresses, but here is a overview of ways to get to know me more, and also learn about writing and books.
**On Feb 26th I launch a 21 week book series with guest authors. This 21 week series leads participants through each chapter in my book No Longer Denying Sexual Abuse: Making The Choices That Can Change Your Life. This free series only requires the purchase of my book, or the guest author’s book. For any abuse survivor looking for a path to recovery, we will be touching upon each stage with Week One: Remembering. Check in on nolongerdenyingsexualabuse.com in a week for our first author highlighted Rachel Coyle Brooks and her book Chasing Perfection.
**On February 25th I will be hosting Gretchen Hydo’s book launch party for Break Free from Your Dirty Little Secrets. This book is amazing and she is looking for book ambassadors to read the book in advance of its release.
**On Feb 21st, I will be going Live On IG with Elizabeth Earnshaw, author of I Want This To Work at 1 PM PST. A highly accomplished writer and therapist, Liz is going to interview me about my book @lizlistens.