I used to never talk to anyone in my 20’s and 30’s. Alcoholism can do that to you. Sure, I was chatty as all hell when I was in my cups, but I was morose and shut down when I wasn’t drunk (translation: hung over.) Sober now for over nine years, I have found I just fucking love talking to people, all kinds of people. I get fed on the tiny little moments with complete strangers you can assume you may never ever meet again. Whether it is in an elevator, at a ticket booth, putting your name down for a restaurant table or waiting in line at the supermarket. I wonder about people. I am curious what makes them tick, and I also like joking with people. We are all so serious out in the world every day, rushing here and rushing there. It makes the crease between my eyes thick, which is not good considering I have recently taken Botox out as a line item in my annual budget.
I truly want to entertain people is the truth. I want to leave a little mark everywhere I go. I am like a little fairy of interpersonal association all over the place best I can. When I am alone too long, I start to wither. I think being alone is overrated. I need like a day, if that, and then I am like, “Ok, got the re-boot. Let’s go have some convo.” The world is so fascinating. I am blown away by how different people are from me. I mean really different. Why does that person make that choice to wear that hat, or pick that partner, or play that instrument?
Take the hawk lady at Los Angeles Contemporary Museum of Modern Art (LACMA) for instance. There is a hawk that clears LACMA of pigeons. If you don’t believe it, head down there on a Friday afternoon yourself to see. She has this gorgeous hawk and these two pointer dogs (one points, while the other one kind of shivers and shakes, ready to get the hawk away from any kind of peril.) There are no more pigeons living in the rafters at LACMA or shitting on the pavement or people’s heads. And the hawk flies away from her and rests up in the metal girders and then flies back to her with such strength, the wind of its wing moved my hair. Who are you? I wanted to ask, that you stand here with this hawk on your arm and these two ridiculously trained dogs? I have never seen you before, and I find you the most fascinating person ever.
I find that sometimes I stare at people with this silly grin on my face. Luckily I don’t drool but close. I am just so happy when I get to experience someone new. The piano player in the jazz performance was so good, but we missed him because we were looking at art, but when I asked him if he was playing again after the break he said, “Yes I am playing the same keys, just in a different order.” Between that answer and his wing tipped shoes, I was ready to pull up a card table, a pot of coffee and start asking a lot of questions.
Then later I put my sweater and glasses on the platform of an art installation to take a picture of my date, and the security guard said, “You better move that or security may tackle you.” Without missing a beat, my date said, “Now that’s something I’d like to see.” I laughed about that for about ten straight minutes, like crying and almost peeing laughing. It was a connecting between me doing an act, a stranger commenting and my date adding the punch line. It was glorious!
We don’t ask enough questions about each other and we are scared to make fun and funny comments. No one teases anyone anymore. We are so afraid we will offend people. Being so tightly wound makes us unable to be in awe of someone or the space in which we are immersed. When you are focused on your phone, or worried about your hair or judging the experience, you miss shit that is wild and wondrous and beautiful and spontaneous and surprising. Look around today. See what you see when you have a new lens. Talk to someone who interests you (and I don’t mean in a sexual weird hit-on way. Don’t be a dick.) Just get to know people.
It is one of the coolest acts of humanity you can do.
Some people are extroverts, others are introverts, and most of us fall into the middle of the pack as selective participants in the game of human interaction. Unfortunately global circumstances in recent years have dulled our ability to engage in "small talk" with strangers because medical experts told us that was foolhardy and far too risky. So now many of us need to relearn the art of direct interpersonal communication and make it a worthwhile pursuit that engages the mind and soul of both parties. Asking questions and actually listening to the answers without prejudgement takes practice just like any other skill worth developing. In the end the reward certainly outweighs the effort made, so take that bold step as the initiator of a verbal conversation and see where it leads you. You may actually enjoy yourself and make another person's day in the process! :)
Bestest advice everrrrr! Love love love it!