I’ve had quite a week of it. When I make that statement, the meaning would be different for some people. Perhaps you messed up a business deal, or have despair over no time as a mom of little kids, or treated your spouse like a piece of crap. For me, the week is bittersweet because on one hand I love the signs that the Universe throws at me, but sometimes I wish it would slow the fuck down so I can catch up. What is funny about that statement is the Universe actually wants me to slow down in all the signs to ruminate, mull, cocoon and ponder, but I think I need to take some kind of action which is painful when you don’t quite know what that next move is.
So you wait.
Waiting is hard especially when you are seeing repeating signs. As I wrote about the labyrinth last week, I have since been privy to another labyrinth in a very poignant location. I have also been invited to appear on camera for a promo in the building right across from the hotel where I had a meeting two weeks ago with someone who suggested I have more visibility.
I know I need to be more visible and execute my gifts of speech, but a part of me wants to crawl like a little crab back into my shell where it is nice and dark and warm and just do my little crabby thinking instead of sitting in the unknown of what all of the signs mean.
Get more visible. Live a more magnificent life. Have a deep touching level of success. That’s what they mean. I know, because I hear them. They speak to me.
I spent too much time in the dark alone in my life. I am not that crab anymore. I am out there in the world taking a big bite of the apple right down to the core. Juice runs down my chin and drips to my chest. I’m in 100% but that meaning is different than the me many years before. Now I sit. I wait. And it still sucks.
So what does one do with the swirling dervish of energies that come and beckon us to have more magnificent success, to taste the whole fruit of the apple down to the core, to really say “I love you” in a way that makes the skin on your face ache? You focus deep into your body. For me it is the intestines. Since I was a little girl I have had, let me think about how to most delicately put this, slow digestion. Over the years, and in the last five years, I have watched videos and meditations and learned massages to get in touch with a slow digestion. What was torment and had me crying, why! in digestive pain, now has become my greatest teacher and guide. When I do get hollow peace, I find that my body is opening itself to me. Listen, it says. We are moving through you. Making room. Trust in the body.
In the past, I would re-cram that hollowness with food, or over work, or overthink, but now I am sitting in the emptiness that is full by all the spiritual energies that are divinely cascading around me like dapples of effervescent light.
I say less, and know more. How is that possible?
Instead of performing like a circus monkey, I wait for the direction that feels aligned with the person I have all the make-up to be - a bright spark, not a sad little crab running sideways (I am sure there are happy crabs but I can’t shake this metaphor this morning.)
Pause is hard because we are never really pausing. We have obligations. Shower, curl your hair, put gas in the car, call the kid’s orthodontist. Outside the list of bank balances and to do lists, the essence of the pause is what I most naturally am drawn to do. I want to lean into feelings of admiration and attraction for my boyfriend, and spend time staring at the edits I need to do on my second book. I want to listen to a new music track I found, and laugh like I can’t stop. When we pause on that which we don’t yet know, within what we find pleasurable, we live on a higher level of vibration. Nothing comes to a screeching halt. We are not one big parking lot traffic jam.
We are the super highway, tooling away at a nice speed and enjoying looking out the window like a dog on a hot summer day in the middle of Montana.
We don’t want to feel cracked, oozing, flattened, deflated, rushed.
The pause is not happening when you are over texting, your calendar is flashing in 13 colors, and you can’t remember what you did three days ago. The pause is not happening when you are over ordering on Amazon. If you are starting to have signs that something in your life is manifesting and cooking along, give it room and weight to breathe.
Do not squash it like a bug. Do not run into your crabby cave. Do not do addictive tendencies.
Bask. Pause. Breathe.
Your life is unfolding before you and it is all yours to take.
This is a perfect post and a great reminder to all of us! Thanks for sharing ❤️
I love this and the timing, oh the timing!