Talking About Chocolate Instead of Assault...
And I'm sorry if I made this an uncomfortable read.
I just ate a chocolate bar that proclaimed on its wrapper that it “saved forests.” I think that is kind of ridiculous and it doesn’t make me feel better that I just ingested an entire eco friendly 70% cocoa bar sitting at my desk in the middle of a work day. Now, I want to be transported to the forest itself for a nice long nap which is impractical because who actually lies in a bed of soggy moss and dozes besides a baby deer or Snow White or some anime’ character. Speaking of chocolate, Dove Dark Chocolate is in deep doo doo for the recent detection of dangerous levels of lead which can cause irreversible brain damage. But are they? A major conglomerate, they will be protected by their teams of lawyers deflecting any person actually trying to sue. Can you prove chocolate caused you to have cognitive dissonance or even worse, the inability to walk or speak? Look, if people born without ovaries in coal mining towns can’t even win a case against conglomerates, you better believe that Mars, Inc. will smoosh any dissidence like a bug. (and sidebar, I recently found out that Mars, Inc. owns most of the veterinary hospitals and are commodifying cat and dog care like a vending machine?)
Turning their heads the other way and serving up chocolate with lead is an assault. The truth is, assault is all around us as consumers. This is my back door way of warming you up to what this column is really about today… Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Chances are someone in close proximity to you right now was assaulted and they can’t even speak about it they are so ashamed. They figure it is better to just forget about it, but nothing in their cellular structure, subconscious or DNA has forgotten about it. So they hobble along, half people, dialing in their life wondering why they keep having bouts of anger or depression. If you are reading this in a coffee shop, at least three people have been assaulted by someone or something, and it’s left an indelible mark on them. Gosh, I am sorry that you just put your fork down because the quiche you were eating doesn’t taste good any longer but we have to think about this stuff. Plus it’s Easter and don’t even get me started on what happened to Jesus. Nails? A cross? Assault.
Police officers continue to assault Black people and crowds of rioters assaulted the White House, and people are screaming at other drivers from their cars and assaulting each other verbally. The culture is all around us, and in the midst of it is sexual assault. The epicenter core of the violence. The ripping apart of the fabric of the very womb that births us. Men are also assaulted by women, and by other men. The dominance, the power, the pecking order. Social media may be a pain in the ass, but it can be used to get this message clear: we have to talk about sexual assault so much that it feels uncomfortable and redundant. Because the act of it is redundant and that redundancy is unacceptable.
Should I go back to being funny and tell a story about how I used a blonde root spray yesterday that made my hair look like an orange peel? Or that someone thought I was one of the actors from 30 Rock at the post office? I could, and I think levity is the key to a long prosperous life, but I need to stay in the zone here of my purpose. I need to make sure I leave you with an action to take. If someone in your world tells you they were assaulted, and shares an experience with you - whether it’s the person at the front desk of the spa, or someone seated next to you at a business conference or on a plane, listen. Hold their hand. Tell them its going to be okay. Recently at a Wellness event a woman found out I wrote a book on sexual abuse recovery and she told me her mother had been abused. She started to cry. I reached out and took her hand. I told her I heard her and saw her. She commented, “I don’t know why I am reacting like this.” Because when someone we love is assaulted, we are assaulted. And we need help healing.
We have a world that needs a collective healing. It starts with you. It starts with me. Today.
Turning our backs to social problems never brings results and change. Whether an assault on the senses or depravity on the body, the only way to stop it is the face it head on and call it out for what it truly is: the degradation of society into lawlessness where anything goes without afterthought or consequence. We can do something positive for the betterment of individuals by acting on behalf of the collective cause because each life matters regardless of gender or race. Wishing it to go away won't bring change, only continued sorrow.
Yes, yes and yes. I like that you are giving action steps to help others listen to assault survivors. So necessary!