I am selling a house. Those of you who follow this column have heard me mention this was on the horizon. Some of you have read excerpts from that memoir about what life was like in the house. Now I am bidding adieu not just to owning a home, but an old story that no longer serves me. So while listing the house on the MLS is a simple act in itself, the separating oneself from what was and what is can be more complicated.
When I bought my house I had a dream. To be a homeowner. I had to swallow some truths when I bought the house. I would be buying alone. I had not found love. That I couldn’t buy in the area I would have preferred. That I was going to do something more radical and out of the box than others would have done. My mortgage would be more than my current rent. That I was buying in a pandemic and would be cut off from any community aside from on line AA meetings and my kids. That I had no clue… how to be a homeowner.
What I did not expect that came with the dream was the deconstruction of the self I had carried around for a decade, and the reconstruction of a new self identity. I would experience many transformations in the house. Then I needed to move to be closer to the kids’s schools, the pandemic was over, I had some more money saved, and I bought a new place.
Now I had two homes. Wow, right? I gave being a landlord a try, and while there were some learning curves like patience and not letting late rent make you blow up your happiness, I was getting clear the house no longer had meaning to me the way it had four years prior. I finally was able to come to the conclusion I could say goodbye to the house, and make space to step into what new blessings and lessons awaited me.
Unfortunately, when dealing with others timelines, you can’t just peace out and go. You have to do showings and I have tenants in the city of LA so I need to adhere to strict laws about asking them to leave. Then there is the waiting and wondering game. Why hasn’t someone called all in breathless desire for the house like I did that day four years ago when I made an offer? Where is the bidding war and the cash over sale price offers? Surely, the fact that I am selling a home in South LA makes it less of a bidding war than some pristine condo in the more affluent side of Los Angeles, but my house is cool. She has character. She was my container for healing I did not even know I was ready for. She was my shell, and I have crawled out to a new destination. I want to pass the shell on to the next buyer.
Okay, so maybe you are thinking of buying a home and haven’t had any kind of woo woo contemplation. You are thinking the facts - you need space to raise your family. But somewhere in there is a dream either created by you, or someone in your ancestry. Owning land can be a powerful catalyst to stepping into your most powerful self. I would suggest not getting too attached to one particular house or land. I thought I was going to own forever but then when I saw that the house was no longer part of my framework, I could pull up the stakes and set her free. I now just need the right buyer to come who can see the magic house will give them a transformation. The ancestors seep through the floor. The souls prevail in the timber. The soil holds the secrets of the ages. When I first moved in, an astrologer told me an older Black man would sweep my hallway. First of all, I was just thrilled to have my own actual hallway, but to have a helpful spirit within was extra bonus! The spirits that were in that house protected me against a gunman on a roof, a meth head at the gate and every harrowing drive I made for a year in the worst traffic to drive my kids to school.
The angels that hang around this house will help me find the perfect family to take over my home, but the concept of the sale lingers and hangs over me like a soggy towel in the car after the beach. I try not to think about it, but when I wake up it sits on my chest. The house over there, and me in my new space, my new life wanting it to be done. I know nothing can be done until it has fully cycled and in fact, the pressure is the exiting. You can feel the ending coming and since I won’t cling to bring it back, I have to sit in the discomfort of my realtor doing showings, and waiting to see if there is an offer.
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