I was in Trader Joes on Sunday and couldn’t find any miso. I saw a worker stocking shelves and inquired, “Hey, do you know where the miso is?” He looked up at me, and schooled me. “Hello, and how are you.” He then didn’t miss a beat and told me they didn’t carry miso anymore. I was like, okay, and walked away thinking, was his tone as condoning of me as I thought? My boyfriend confirmed it. The worker was pissed off I didn’t say “Hi, how are you doing today…” and then asked about the miso. I felt bad for half a minute because I am always very polite with any worker, but in this moment, I was focused on the set point of finding the miso. If this worker felt ragged on by society, his partner, his kids, financial oppression, or was just overall on the rag, taking it out on me was not appropriate. I was mad for a minute and then just understood that since I have been living my life on a very happy positive vibration, I see more unhappiness around me. I feel it in people.
Later that day, my boyfriend failed to notice a woman was walking behind him and didn’t hold the door for her. “Thank you very much!” she said in a disgruntled judging tone. We were shocked. She had such a puss on her face. “I always hold doors open for people,” he said. “I honestly did not see her.” But also, when someone doesn’t hold the door for me in public, I give them the benefit of the doubt and surely don’t make some public pronouncement. She was not holding back in schooling us.
My energy lately has been very positive and high level. I am in a happy place and feel abundant. When I am with my romantic partner, we are vibrating on a high level. When you are in that place, you seem to see the people who are not happy so clearly and they peg you in a micro-assault. Once, when I was on their level - miserable and feeling like the world was my enemy - I blended with them. I was one of them but when you emulate a happy vibe, you are in the minority. You therefore have to band with people who are happy because you almost have to. The miserable people are so stuck in it, and they don’t want to change but you want to be empathetic. I focus my positive energy on motivating people who are ready and open for change. They are appreciative and don’t have their heads up their asses. I try to not to let the miserable people get me down. I want to behave on a higher standard and level.
In this time where we have a lot of concern about high interest rates, international unrest, coming into a presidential election year, and over all the prices of everything especially in California are sky high, people are feeling underserved. While on one hand I want to go to the mat against people who make comments about me, and defend myself, or the loved ones commented against, I feel like the world needs more peace than hate. I am not going to apologize for something I didn’t do, but I am also not going to make that person’s life worse. You don’t know what can happen in drama anymore today. Someone could take it too far and shoot you. I have heard of two people car jacked in the last month, and one of them was kidnapped. We have a rouge environment going on under the veneer that society is evolving post Covid.
I own a gun (I know that was a hard turn in the narrative but follow me here…) I bought it when I lived alone with two daughters in South Central. That may be a judgement considering people are not safe in Malibu either, but it was suggested by a few well meaning people so I bought one. Now I live in a safer neighborhood, so I am considering selling my gun. I don’t need it in the house and am not particularly interested in shooting one for sport. But then I thought about how this country could turn. I thought about the attack on the Capitol and I wondering going into this presidential election if there was a 1% chance, rogue people, 100 times worse than the disgruntled worker or the lady we didn’t hold the door for, would come after innocent people. Do I want to believe in that kind of chaos, or the crumbling of America? Hell no. I love life and I have young daughters. I want them to have a fair shot at living in a democratic society. But people are just on edge. And these are the people living in Los Angeles. Imagine the good ol’ boys in the South? Or even right outside LA in some red zone pockets?
Why as a society are we not taking about how unsafe we feel sometimes in America? While I live a lot on a pink cloud of happiness and refuse to spend much time on the news aside from NPR when I am in the car, I am aware of the pervasive unhappiness of a lot of random people popping up in my life more so than before. Part of it is I am on a higher vibration, but a lot of it is this overall unrest in this country post Covid and post a lot of racist shit that could have moved the needle for minorities but I am not so sure. I was in the South recently and visited a part of Asheville, North Asheville, cute little town, that was once predominately black. Where are all the black people now, I thought? We have Martin Luther King Jr Drive but I am looking at a bougie health food store and some BBQ place that would fit in with Los Angeles. It bothered me a little bit. I saw some Confederate flags. I also felt good in the South on a few other levels, but yeah, we haven’t come so far.
I have my eyes open to how I can stay happy, positive and forward thinking in the world but imagine being a college student in this day and age? What you hear and see must be so overwhelming? Get a BA in marine biology when America may get wiped out by an unstoppable Tsunami? Or major in journalism when countries are hiding nuclear weapons? Incinerated by the very world we are born into. Folded into itself in an epic implosion. We all feel from time to time the potential of an epic implosion of society, nature and man, but that doesn’t keep me from waking up and doing what I love. Write.
I will write about what I feel, see, experience, with honest and integrity until the world does end. Or my world ends. I hope the latter before the former.