I went down the rabbit hole last night with Season 3 of Love is Blind, a show I swore I would never watch again after Season 2. Yet here I was again, watching the frothy amp up of couples discovering the initial delirium of “I love you” only to then get so caught up, addicted and enthralled by it, they can’t stop saying it. In fact, to some degree, they are not even hearing each other say it, they are so transfixed on the high of loving and being loved. As the show is based on never seeing someone until you plan to marry them, the moment the couples have their first embrace, they paw at each other, clinging, muttering “I love you so much” over and over. If you have watched the show, then you know… almost all of them don’t work out and come to realize there wasn’t any love at all.
So what is the meaning of how and when we say “I love you?” As someone who has done my fair share of monogamous quickie relationships, in the last few runs in the sun of romance, I grew distinctly aware of the way “I love you” was dished out. I started to question the validity of my own “I love you’s” to where I even said to one person, “We clearly do not love each other so we best just end this now before it goes on any longer.” Sounds callous? No. It’s reality. Versus the person who says “I love you” after the first date and actually thinks they mean it. They are swooning the whole way home, window down, Seal on the radio, thinking, I found it. I found love, when in truth, the fact that they are still in a seventeen year old ideology of love just became evident.
When my children get out of the car in the morning to go into school, or even before on the commute, I say “I love you” to each of them. Does this make me a self-aware saint? No, I am just acutely aware of how powerless I am to the machinations of the world and I want to be sure that if something happens, they know I love them. I also want them to walk into the challenging environment of middle and high school and know they are loved amid the foul language of youth today, snore-producing teachers and overall faulty bathrooms and water fountains.
I am starting my third book, and while it is a tendril of literary smoke, I know it’s about being single, and learning first and foremost how to say “I love you” to yourself first. If not, then you like me may end up in an entangled embrace with yet another dead end relationship because you both like the ocean, pilates and grew up with alcoholism. Not - enough - for - love. Not even scratching the surface. Love is not blind. It is clear and pure and focused. It is earned and tender, fierce and devoted. Love takes time. Cue Mariah.
The next time you say “I love you,” ask yourself, what did that truly mean? And as Tina Turner said, “What’s love got to do with it?” Sometimes, nada.
If You Are Looking To Do Some Writing:
Read. I can attest that lately I have heard some vocabulary words come out of my mouth in conversation that I had completely forgotten I even knew. The truth is, I don’t think they even were words in the books I was reading which were pretty straight forward personal development. Reading re-ignites what we once knew that we may have not tapped into for a while. Those words will start landing on the page as well so start reading again, and notice how your linguistics jump up a notch.
(Insecure Writing Break)
Sometimes I stop in mid-stream on this newsletter and think, does any of this make sense? Am I just dropping a bunch of rubbish on the page and sending it out to people whose lives would be fine or even a lot better if they didn’t get this email? Why are my thoughts even newsletter worthy and who the hell decided I should write a newsletter in the first place. It’s time consuming and pain staking and it’s another thing I have to do on a Saturday, usually last minute because as many times as a Virtual Assistant will tell me to write them all in advance for the month, I just don’t think that way.
Can you relate to this diatribe? We are all insecure as writers but here is the differentiation with writers who write and writers who are scared of writing. Writers who write do it even when they have thoughts like the ones above. Which are you?
Technology Tip:
Google maps sucks to walk. The little arrow moves when you move and you end up going in a complete circle. My friend Stephanie and I left We Works the other day to find a cafe they had advertised on the front counter and we followed Google for seven blocks before I pulled out Waze and discovered the restaurant was across the street from the We Works where we started. So if you are a 52 year old, female, in bifocals, and prone to easy distraction from a in-depth conversation, use Waze to walk.
Shameless Plug!
Oh this is a good one! I have on today’s podcast Stacey Lindsay who is the Senior Editor of Maria Shriver’s Sunday paper. She is my first journalist guest and we had an amazing talk about second guessing ourselves as women in our professions. Listen here, subscribe and review!