I Give You Permission to Take A Mental Health Day
Last week my 9th grader was beat. High school is a slog, and she trains for track five days a week after school. So on one particular day, on the way to drop her at school, she voiced in a teary way that she didn't want to go. The road warrior that I once was, not very gentle to myself and others, would have told her she needs to be responsible, show up, and push through even when she didn’t feel up to the responsibility.
I couldn’t even muster an ounce of that woman I once was. Instead, I stroked her face, moved away a tear and told her that if she wasn’t feeling like she wanted to go to school, perhaps she needs a mental health day. I found myself explaining to her the merits of a mental health day, and how we just can’t go go go all the time. We are not machines and in the time off to reboot and treat ourselves kindly, we come out the other side uplifted and refreshed. Apparently she had a test she couldn’t miss, so she pulled herself together and dragged her heavy backpack out of the car. As she saw a friend to greet, she turned to me and she SMILED.
My heart burst into a million pieces. I had sent my daughter into the world with the message not of slaying dragons and wearing battle armor, but that she had choices for her better mental health, and nothing, I mean nothing, has more value than that. Why do we feel like we have to tell our younger women and peers that they have to practice showing up no matter what so they don’t get passed over, forgotten, fired, denied dreams or underpaid?
It’s bullshit and it’s time it stopped. But first I had to stop doing that to myself. I had to believe that some days, when I have multi-tasked and emoted tons of energy that I can take a walk and not think, listen to an audio book, turn off my phone, deepen my relationship with my intuition, or simply don’t put so much on my plate. We are not proving anything to anyone when we are showing up all the time no matter what.
I used to frown on women who didn’t show up. Yes, there are people who bail out and we could consider flaky, but that is their form of taking care of themselves. Sure, we can learn not to rely on certain people who have patterns of dropping the ball, but no woman should be expected to grind until she collapses from either some kind of autoimmune disorder, heart issues. stress or emotional breakdown.
I give you permission if you feel even an iota of the voices saying you can’t do the world today to take a pause and step out of it. To take a breather and know what you can’t do today, you can do tomorrow, or maybe really reflect how important any of it is to anyone. What is important to you? We get so lost and caught up in the lists of what we think we should do, and next we know we are completely confused with what our purpose or goals are anymore. It’s scary to be honest, how lost we can be and how we can forget what we are even fighting for.
If you see another woman who could be burnt out, suggest she take a mental health day. If she bites your head off, so be it. You were the messenger and that is not an easy task, but one day she may reflect and see you are right. Hopefully not in some bathroom stall with a bottle of booze and mascara-streaked cheeks! If you can master the art of self love and give yourself permission to check the fuck out so you can be clearer, you will exude that to others and they will ask how you do it. I worked less days last year than ever and yet connected with people who mattered to me, and made the most money I ever had. I see a correlation to the amount of mental health moments I took to ask and check in, Do I like what I am doing right now?
Take check ins. Ask questions of yourself and learn about what your capacities are and grow from there. You will only win.