I have never taken a break from sugar. At ten years sober, I can abstain clearly, but alcohol was a spiritual and physical malady. White refined sugar is more like an old friend who has kept me warm on lonely nights but doesn’t derail my life. I never had a brownie cause me to make bad decisions. So why take the month of February off - especially with Valentine’s Day where my boyfriend could dote on me with fancy truffles? I want to not be dominated by anything that prevents me from noticing the sky, the clouds, my breath, the possibilities around me… and worse of all, my feelings.
I am ready to feel the second layer of feelings that could teach me more about myself and I believe sugar has been this subtle detour from some tendrils of thought. I became a vegetarian five months ago, and that has been hardly tragic. I think I longed for some crispy fried chicken once and it passed. That decision was partially environmental and also to lower inflammation in my body. I am satisfied with my decision and have no desire to go back to eating meat or fish. I did not discover new found feelings about myself from not eating sushi. I just eliminated food groups and started to eat a lot of food made from mushrooms.
Cutting out the sugar that makes up brownies, cookies, cupcakes, pie and all the chocolates by the pound at Sprouts Supermarket is a mystery here on day three. My boyfriend agreed to do it with me and we had a goodbye sugar party where we ate a brownie, a chocolate chip cookie, some layered chocolate thing and chocolate chip rugelach. The next day I was so exhausted from eating that much sugar and he reported being irritable. I was aware that my body was growing more sensitive as I aged and that much sugar not only had an effect on me physically but that in some way my body intuitively knew my plans.
I had a friend eight years ago who gave up refined sugar forever, like cold turkey, and then over time brought in a sweet on the weekends or a special occasion. I think that would be a reasonable path to take. I don’t want to deprive myself of birthday cake or gourmet chocolate. I just want to stop anxiously eating the double chocolate dip peanuts from the bulk bin in the middle of the day because I feel rudderless. The world is full of ways to make it more beautiful, and to enhance your mind. Stuffing it with filler is such a shame. Checking out from what we can aspire to dream about. I know the argument for sweets is “we get to enjoy life,” but I had to take a look at emotionally how I use sugar.
I also got off caffeinated coffee three years ago, but I am hardly not caffeinated. I drink black tea and have caffeine free coffee in the AM. I would be okay not having caffeine at all which is why I did it. So I wouldn’t be a slave to coffee to jack me up when I was in a tired slump or feeling like I needed a kick. Instead I leaned into my own biorhythms and was gentle with myself.
So I am free from meat and fish, caffeinated coffee, booze and drugs, and now sugar. I still manage to eat some really tasty food and have a lot of fun. I also feel my body because I am not manipulating it with stimulants, and giving it a chance to be at its full capacity. Our world is so fast paced and we want to do so much. How can we not be functioning at full capacity? I know I want to wake up in the morning and embrace the mind that feeds me information and thoughts. Not have it controlled by some sugar binge or a sugar hangover.
Ever since I was a kid, I stuffed my feelings of abandonment and loneliness with cookies, brownies, ice cream and donuts. I brought those coping mechanisms into adult hood for a long time, while also keeping it at bay as I dealt with some of my other issues and problems. Up until just last year, I would not think it’s too terrible to go with a friend and slice up a selection of yummy vegan donuts and eat them in one sitting. In fact, I don’t frown on that now. But until I know that sugar doesn’t have a hold on my feelings, or move in when I am about to have a deep inner epiphany, I have to hold off on its consumption.
What can you stop for a month that may be affecting how you are mentally or physically showing up in the world?