I woke up today in an incredible state of spirit, and felt called to ask my readers this very important question… what if you could want and have all your heart desired? Just lean into that a bit and allow yourself to experience all the sensations that come up. I mean all of it. Not just the sprinkles on top, or even half the donut. The whole deal. Vibrate in that place for a bit, and watch what comes up in your mind. You start making immediate check lists… well that can’t be in my heart’s desire because of the unsurmountable person/place/concept that blocks its plausibility. Or you judge what sprung to mind and then swapped it with something else because you think you can only have one.
You can have it all.
But here is the rub.
When I rise like I did today with peace in my heart, and no heaviness on my soul, I learn THAT is what I have in my heart’s desire. Just a sense that at this very moment I am clean from all anger and frustration, doubt and shame, blame and resentment. It’s rare for all of us to be crystal clean in any moment from all those conditions because people are always disappointing us or changing the game or not listening when we speak. And we have to be okay with that because people are letting us off the hook all the time in their own way and we just don’t know it. I heard in church yesterday that we have 62,000 thoughts a day and 95% are about ourselves. That is not many thoughts about others. Why? Because usually those thoughts about others are action steps we need to take to think about them.
Do you know why I woke up with my heart happy today knowing I had everything I wanted and needed? Why I felt okay investing in my financial portfolio again, and why I am going to let my 13 year old off the hook for saying she checked her soccer bag for her total uniform and I checked this morning and there are no socks? Because yesterday I had a moment with someone where I got over myself, and called and asked if a situation was remedied (that I had been a stress case about)… and they told me they had handled it, and I got to apologize for being snippy last time we talked, and they let me off the hook. I wanted to phone hug them. I couldn’t be happier. I saw in that moment through my elation that what makes me feel like I have all I want and need is when I give an actual shit about other people’s happiness. Even if it means taking risks emotionally for me. (and let me add this caveat, I don’t mean making narcissists or abusers happy… they can go rot in a barrel.)
Do I want better shoes and nicer lighting in my living room? Fuck yeah. Do I want my left tire to stop taunting me with a slow leak? 100 percent. But these are variables that will keep popping up all day every day and they don’t stop. I don’t recall the last time I didn’t have one condition of wanting something. If we think about it, we want something material every day OR we want someone to stop doing something. If I had that, or if they stopped doing that. I am looking this morning to retain the bliss in which I awoke, that light of I have everything I want and need which is peace and health… and I can guarantee you, in about ten minutes when my kids wake up, and when I get on the road with my car, and I get into dialogue with my ex about logistics, that belief I have everything I want will start to become a crinkled paper of stained glass.
You get to vibrate as high as you want every day. You get to ask your self a million times a day, why do I think I can’t have everything I want and need despite what I see around me happening. What you want and need is truly in your heart and when you connect with others in the moment, when you do courageous stuff and take emotional risks, you grow beyond your bounds. To go out of bounds with yourself in a state of feeling like you can have the world is a lot different that crossing your own boundaries. It’s very interesting to observe, but I see that when I am sure I can have all I want and need, I get firmer with my boundaries. Sometimes pizza and ice cream is not the best dinner, but last night it was perfect. I could feel it wouldn’t affect me being in a state of believing I can have all I want, because in the moment, the pizza my kid brought home left over from her friend’s fancy birthday party on a yacht was a blessing. There are moments all around us - they ask us, is this going to be in accordance of all you want and need or against it?
We get to ask every day all day. Some days I think, why the heck do I still drink decaf when I don’t get any caffeine? The coffee is acidic and makes me bloat. But right now, I don’t have a reality in the AM that can sustain a replacement. I want one, but I am not ready to drop the ritual. I get to ask myself, what would my morning look like if I stopped this habit completely? What would that world look like if I had everything I wanted and needed? Ooohh I am feeling inspired.
Have a fantastic Monday and drop in the chat what you asked for today in believing you can have all you want in the world without limitations.
P.S. The video is from an incredible installation downtown called Cake Land and it closes April 29th. If you have not been I highly suggest you catch it before it closes. It is a game changing aesthetic experience.
Shameless Plug:
I have been hosting my 21 week series No Longer Abused for five weeks now for anyone who has been in any kind of abusive situation. I teach and facilitate from my book No Longer Denying Sexual Abuse: Making The Choices That Can Change Your Life. Not that many people come live, but I am going to keep on teaching every two weeks and inviting in co-authors to speak on the topics that range from therapy to spirituality to panic attacks. I spoke on panic attacks and anxiety for abuse survivors last night and it is up on the home page. If you know anyone suffering from abuse denial and looking to recover, please send them this link. I started this series from my own pocket, and don’t make any profit because it was a download in accordance with what I want and need to put out in the world. So please know I do this because I went through 11 years of recovery and I want to pass it on. xoxo
Have Everything Your Heart Desires