Does anyone remember the Unknown Comic from the Gong Show? Back in the day, when there were only three channels, the Gong Show was this weird piece of television programming that left you wondering each week, what just happened? What stuck with me was the Unknown Comic. I would always think, but why does he have a bag on his head? I didn’t think it made him funnier. I recall feeling a sense of sadness for this artist who chose to cover his head with a bag. I recall asking my parents, “Why does he need the bag?” They would shrug. “Because it’s funny.” Not the depth of the answer I was looking for as a deeply intuitive kid who would have killed for my parents to pull up a chair at any point and unpack the subject of individuation and artist repression. Wasn’t gonna happen.
Fast forward to today and we have artists who do this kind of masking and they get wildly successful like Marshmello who is never seen without his big white head and x eyes. Does he need the head to be an incredible music producer and DJ? No. But he is never seen without it. Lady Gaga more a meat dress which she admitted later was a pathway for her real singing talents to be seen after being told she wasn’t good enough. We put disguises on to shield us from the cruel world of criticism and judgment, so we can push through with our art.
Because for artists of any kind, not doing so would eventually kill us inside.
Take fiction writing. Lately people are telling me I should write fiction. Like random people. I went to an event yesterday and was talking to a woman a whole of five minutes about writing and she told me I should be writing fiction and immediately texted me two books where the authors took their life stories and fictionalized them. My quandary is that I write about myself very transparently here three times a week, and my first and potential second books are also about me. The transition to go from me to a fictional character seems incredibly daunting. I thought I left that life behind writing screenplays, but the fiction in books is knocking on my door again.
So why am I hesitant? Because I tried to write fiction books twice, and I think they sucked. Plain and simple. So I am judging who I am as a writer now on two books I wrote over twenty-five years ago. In refusing to try fiction, I am saying I have had no evolution as a creative or any learning curve. I might as well put a bag over my head, which in a lot of ways is what I am doing by writing this column or only writing about myself. I am hiding other talents for all the fears I hear from clients all the time: why would anyone care about my fiction book and I have nothing to write about. Which is a bunch of hog shit and we all know it.
What I am afraid of is the patience and vulnerability of writing nothing, then something then nothing again. For me, non fiction comes so easy. I have no qualms about you reading every nook and cranny of my life. The writing just flows out of me because it is who I am. You spend any length of time with me, and it’s like my column come to life. But to sit there and not have any plot or idea of what I want to write about, that is terrifying. Add in I am getting older, and what if I waste time waiting for the words to come. I hate my own advice, but I need to follow my heart and trust the words will flow in a fiction arena.
Here are some of the reasons people tell me to write fiction, and you can consider this for yourself. People say I am funny and a great storyteller. Apparently this would make for good characters who can have a piece of me but not be me. I understand fundamentally that our characters are all us, but it still feels evasive FOR ME. People also tell me that I should write about love and romance, which I already do, but more so from my very varied wanderings in this arena, and less so in the fictional sense. I did try and write Harlequin romances once and was rejected by the editor. I guess I just wasn’t great at throwing women over men’s shoulders wearing a corset.
The signs and path to our unique deepest creativity are out there if we are willing to have eyes to see. I saw signs I should go to Paris for a year before I booked the trip with my daughters in 2021. When there, I made the decision I would return and write a book in Paris. A friend invited me to a writing retreat this June in Southern France, and I am going to tack on a few days after in an apartment in Paris to write. I just followed the indications before me and said yes. That said, I am disgruntled to admit that this trip is probably about writing fiction. As the brilliant Jackie Collins said, “If you write a page a day, you will have a book in a year.”
What is your talent you are covering with a brown paper bag and not following your heart? See what it would take to expose yourself for a minute (keep your clothes on, I mean emotionally!) Try your talent without make up, excuses, rules and constructed dreams. Just flow. Share here in the comments what happens for you, and I will let you know when I get back from Paris in June what transpired in my return to writing fiction. Or as I am imagining, sharing about my painful silence before a blank page on a diet of eclairs.
Maybe you can clone yourself emotionally and let the other "you" run wild with ideas with no risk of failure to yourself. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained!" is my motto and sometimes we have to trust our instincts and tread onto unfamiliar ground in order to experience something new and different. As I wrote before, "Let it go to make it happen!".
Love this!! And yes another thing the brilliant JC used to say is just listen to your characters and let them take you on the ride! Or in other words - step out of their way 😍 Bon Voyage and we’ll be following along ✍🏼📚